ok so Grandma goes back in for surgery today this afternoon. She sounds really good but can only talk on a cell phone cause she is too weak to hold onto the hospital phone. My family is so weird - my sister texts me with half of the information of what goes on or she doesn't text me at all. When she calls (2 times only) she tells me but has an attitude about telling me like she didn't want to make the call in the first place and tells me how my mom told her to call. My mom doesn't call at all, when I call the hospital to talk to Grandma she acts like she doesn't even know its me, "oh, I didn't recognize your voice " or she just hands it to grandma. My Aunt Dee is the only one that has even treated me like part of the family. She calls gives me the info asks if I understand if I have questions and hows the family, I ask how she is doing, how is Sandy doing and she tells me she loves me after each phone call. My own mother doesn't even do that. You would think with everything going on that your family would make a point to let each other know that they love each other because you never know when the Lord will call your name. But nope, not my family, then Jeff answered my moms phone when I called, Jeff - yes the man that likes to call himself Uncle and is a pedifilist and has hurt my family more than anyone I know, thats a whole nother story, I don't want him answering my moms phone I didn't call to speak to Satans follower only to my mother. Yup I'm being spiteful but sometimes I can't help it.
Now Barbra and me where getting along really well till she had to open her freakin mouth again and tell me how unfair I am and I don't treat the kids right, well damn it, she can raise them then , she is so much better than me. I told Steve I want her out, he says its his Mom and she has no where to go. I have tried to turn the other cheek and now the other and now the other but I don't think God intended me to be a door either. What am I suppose to do? I love my family, she is bringing chaos into my family the common thing is her and I can't get rid of her, what now? She hurts my feelings so bad, then pretends like it never happened. Steve's talked and talked to her and no change. She's the closest thing I have to family here and she treats me like shit. I thought that since I dont have really any close friends yet that me and her could be close instead she hates me. And I am getting close to hating her. A couple of weeks ago all I wanted was a hug, I needed a hug, I asked her if I could ask her a question - I wanted to know if she would feel comfortable hugging me, instead she said she didn't feel like answering my questions and walked away. Now you know that I don't get where I need a hug very often and that was really hard for me to do and she rejected me before I even asked. She's a negative person, she's a rude and spitefull person and I don't want her around the kids. Well I better quite whining and go work out - I always feel better after I run, I think of her and I bust out a mile or two then I'm too tired to fight :) I miss Washington, I miss my friends, I miss living with my family in my house, I miss feeling like I belonged. Hadn't felt that way in a long time and yet across the country on a beautiful day once again I don't belong. A miss fit to the core, not something I'm proud of just something I thought I had lost long ago.