I know I haven't been myself lately, I know that this is not who I am, I know that there are things going on that I need to sort through and that with time it will be ok, now its been suggested on more than one occasion that I go see someone to help me sort these things out. I'm not ok with that though, but after more than one suggestion I agreed. Now lately I have been thinking alot about death, not in the way that everyone gets worried about. In the way that I know I'm not myslef lately but lets say that I pass away before I get back to where I was, what will God say to me? What will my kids think? Will they understand, will my husband have peace. What can I do to make sure that if that happens that they know I love them and they understand where I am at right now. So I told this to my agreed upon help and she informed me that I shouldn't think about that. That I shouldn't bother myself with such guilt, that that guilt is just making it harder for me to get back to me. So for the last two days that is what I have been trying, then I went to church this morning. The sermon was on outreach, and how you need to love now because tomorrow might never come. That if you passed today what would you say to the Lord, what would he think of you, and would you go to him pure in heart, would your family have good things to say about you after you were gone. That kind of think.
So now what? Confused is what - so many things to be confused about.
This Explains It!!!
You'll get there. Have faith.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman with so much responsibility and you have had to go through so many changes in the last six months. Most people would not be able to do what you have done. Don't forget to take some time for yourself. Your family knows that you love them. You do so much for them every day. You give so much of yourself to everyone around you that you need to remember to take care of yourself. You need to make time for you or you just get exhausted and drained. And don't worry, your heathen friend will pray for your rest and relaxation!
ReplyDeleteVolumes have been written on a number of aspects of what your experiencing in your blog. Written by ministers, priests, pychologists, doctors and lay people like me. Depending on who and what you read or listen to there are many aspects to each point of confusion, guilt, depression, hurt and dispair that can be soothing and others that mean nothing to you. As you talk, read, confer you reject what doesn't make sense to you and ponder and accept what does. Then you feel better, some healing occurs. Good counselors or confidants have a grocery list of remedies and after listening they present it to you to select what you want to put in your cart. Then you take it home and shelf it all. Ever open up the cubboard and wonder what that can of coconut milk is doing there? It was so long ago you can't remember why you got it. So, you toss it out. So it goes with problems and confusion as you grow in love and forgiveness through understanding. You toss them out without futher thought. Well there's my two cents for now. I've still got a nickel to go for another time. -Jerry
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