Church today was nice, I get lots of smiles when I walk in like when I went to New Life in Washington. I don't have the past with these people but it stated in washington with a smile too. So maybe I can make a past here. Not like the one I currently have one that I always wanted, one that I always prayed for. You know I've been reading this book by Max Lucado - He came I think, and the book from my small group Boundaries and they were both talking about your past. Lucado talks about how when you confess your sins to the lord he forgives you and washes them away. He doesn't hold onto them and smell a fragerance later and think thats when Becki did ........a song doesn't make him think of a time when I was rec-less and acted that way. He doesn't do that he forgive's and he forgets, thats it he isn't going to hold it over your head. I find the biggest boundary for myself is leaving the past in the past. Not that I want my old life back, I don't but the hurt and things I did, the guilt, I haven't seem to be able to leave it behind. Maybe one of the reason's I am in this group is not only to set boundaries outside my body but from within as well. Today at church a lady named Lisa came up and told me that she was a blended family and asked me how I was holding up with the changes and that the kids seem well adjusted but how was I doing. I smiled and said what I always say when things get thick. I'm fine, how are you? Only she didn't buy it. She looked at me and said how long have you been here, I  told her almost 6 months, she told me it took her almost 2 years to get a routine and feel as if things were finally calmed down. She said it was ok to feel what I was feeling. My eyes just swelled up with tears. Her husband came over and introduced himself, he asked about mine, he is a marine and used to work the shift work that Steve is working now and will be working later. He asked how I was, I told him fine....as the tears dropped and I smiled, I'm fine really. He said - hey 5 kids, blended family, new surroundings, no friends, no families and a mother in law issue. Its ok really. I know I've been there its not ok, its not fun and its not easy. I just knodded. He asked us over for dinner. I will run it by Steve. As we are walking into the auditorium Lisa and me talking, Will tells me my choice of clothing is not great.....I told him I don't need fashion tips from him and Lisa laughed, I was embarassed at first then she pointed to one of her boys. He's mine, doesn't it upset you, I don't know how to get him to stop doing it to me. Its never ending with that one. I was so relieved. Maybe we are a little more normal that we first thought. Steve should be home in an hour or so, I'm trying to have a steak dinner ready for him. We will see how that works out........