Spring Break

Spring Break has started, yesterday - Monday was the first day and boy was it a day :P William had a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning since we figured he had pink eye, on Saturday I had taken the kids to the Y to go swimming and Will's eyes were red but we figured it was because of the chlorine in the water, well Sunday it was still there so Monday morning to the doctors we go. Then I had my appointment there since we were already there why waste time. Then back to the house to clean, eat and give the kids some playtime.  Then to the eye doctor for Chase, he's getting contacts and has an instructional class on how to take care of them and how to put them in. Then we have Angela's Parent teacher conference, then William's Parent teacher conference, then Chase's Parent Teacher conference, well at the end I was pretty much done and Hunter had had his full share of busy and was ready to go so Mia's is soon to come. All in all it was a busy good day. Will has drops for his eyes, Chase has contacts for his eyes and Hunter is running free at home :) One day down 5 school days to go.

Church today was nice, I get lots of smiles when I walk in like when I went to New Life in Washington. I don't have the past with these people but it stated in washington with a smile too. So maybe I can make a past here. Not like the one I currently have one that I always wanted, one that I always prayed for. You know I've been reading this book by Max Lucado - He came I think, and the book from my small group Boundaries and they were both talking about your past. Lucado talks about how when you confess your sins to the lord he forgives you and washes them away. He doesn't hold onto them and smell a fragerance later and think thats when Becki did ........a song doesn't make him think of a time when I was rec-less and acted that way. He doesn't do that he forgive's and he forgets, thats it he isn't going to hold it over your head. I find the biggest boundary for myself is leaving the past in the past. Not that I want my old life back, I don't but the hurt and things I did, the guilt, I haven't seem to be able to leave it behind. Maybe one of the reason's I am in this group is not only to set boundaries outside my body but from within as well. Today at church a lady named Lisa came up and told me that she was a blended family and asked me how I was holding up with the changes and that the kids seem well adjusted but how was I doing. I smiled and said what I always say when things get thick. I'm fine, how are you? Only she didn't buy it. She looked at me and said how long have you been here, I  told her almost 6 months, she told me it took her almost 2 years to get a routine and feel as if things were finally calmed down. She said it was ok to feel what I was feeling. My eyes just swelled up with tears. Her husband came over and introduced himself, he asked about mine, he is a marine and used to work the shift work that Steve is working now and will be working later. He asked how I was, I told him fine....as the tears dropped and I smiled, I'm fine really. He said - hey 5 kids, blended family, new surroundings, no friends, no families and a mother in law issue. Its ok really. I know I've been there its not ok, its not fun and its not easy. I just knodded. He asked us over for dinner. I will run it by Steve. As we are walking into the auditorium Lisa and me talking, Will tells me my choice of clothing is not great.....I told him I don't need fashion tips from him and Lisa laughed, I was embarassed at first then she pointed to one of her boys. He's mine, doesn't it upset you, I don't know how to get him to stop doing it to me. Its never ending with that one. I was so relieved. Maybe we are a little more normal that we first thought. Steve should be home in an hour or so, I'm trying to have a steak dinner ready for him. We will see how that works out........

GS Event

Today the girls had an girlscouting event. They went skating. When I got there to pick them up Mia comes running up with a tooth in a bag, yelling Mom Mom Mom look what happened. I smile and ask how exactly did that happen. She told me she was chewing on a starburst candy and noticed that it was harder than it should be (aren't they soft?) She's such a goof. So she pulled out her tooth. Susanna the GS troop leader was telling me that she was bleeding and Susanna told her it was ok for her to go was all the blood out of her mouth, Mia said nope I like the taste of blood. Susanna thought that was the funniest thing in the world, I told Mia that was actually a little strange, and to myself I'm saying a little scary.............but either way they both had a blast. Angela is getting so tall, and she's getting to the awkward stage quicker than I thought. I remember when I first met her, she was this little blonde girl that smiled all the time. Now .......man they just grow so fast.

Library Time

Today me and Hunter went to the library for story time and he just wouldn't get into it this time. He was more interested in the cars that were going by outside than in the old ladies book. Then one of the librarian's started setting up for crafts. They had small bottles of water, which he tried drinking several times - different color square craft paper with sticky back, which he tried eating several times - and dirt, which once in his mouth was hard to get him to let go, it wasn't just dirt it was dirt in a frisbie mesh bag, you know you have a hard disk, you add the water and the dirt gets soft and all of a sudden there's more of it, yeah well try having your 20 month old bite into one of those. Its great fun let me tell ya!!!!! Then the lady comes by and gives him sunflower seeds, really?????? Sunflower seeds...........ok, not only did he try to eat it, put it in the water bottles, but put it in his belly button as well. What kind of craft is this???? But he had a blast trying to do all that. He was a busy little guy let me tell you. never stopping. And smiling the whole time. It was fun really it was, he really likes the library. They have color coded computers and I haven't figured out if thats good for him or not. Time will only tell.

Me and Steve took Hunter today to French Creek national Park. We had lunch there out on a picnic table and walked around, it wasn't for long but it was beautiful and it was so nice to have my husband to myself. Hunter fell asleep in the car and I had his undivided attention. I love talking to him, its just hard sometimes when you have the kids, his mom, his phone, the computer, the door, dinner and everything else in life that steps into the conversation. I remember before when we were dating and we would talk for hours on the phone, I would wait for his phone call and I would get so excited. I love talking to him, and its hard to actually have a conversation. you know anyone can talk, hi - bye - nice to see you. But then when you really talk, you feel connected, and you giggle, and laugh, and I don't know how else to explain it other than a good time with my wonderful husband and my cute little man who is getting very big very quick.

Freestyle

Will and I just got back from his first freestyle wrestling practice, and he loved it. He talked about how awesome it was the whole way home. It was great to be in the bleachers watching him, I enjoy watching him so much, its calming to me. All the other mom's are worried that their boys are going to get hurt and I am just watching him with admiration, and a sense of well being. He is a good wrestler! Now I know every mom thinks that their kid is good but I know mine is good :P I'm so glad he finally found his nitch, you know, its beautiful to watch your kid do something that they love. Hopefully he will stick with it and it will be a great thing in his life but for now, he's tired, and excited to go back.

Sesame Street

Today me and the little man went to the library with Sarah for music time and story time. He loved it!!! He really likes to read, he's getting into the Spiderman flip books right now. We watch Elmo's world in the morning too, and he loves that, as soon as he he's the la la la la la la la he starts dancing and smiling and will run over to the couch get his blanket and point to the rocker, we sit there and watch it together. I never thought I would like Sesame Street so much. Today Toysrus in King of Prussia was going out of business so everything was 50-70% off, there were people running and everything it was nuts. So we got Hunter a toddler bed in Cars, he loves that movie. We set it up and he is sleeping in it right now!!! My baby is almost 2! He's so big, and sweet damn I can make some good babies :)

Night time

All the kids are asleep, Steve is so tired, I'm watching the NCAA Wrestling Championships, my Pops is there and we are texting and talking while we watch the matches. Peacefull.........I want to go to church tomorrow, I need to go, and I pray that I can, I pray that god allows us to make it there and give me peace and strength to get there in one piece with all my children.  I just wnat to lay here, close myes and enjoy:
Enjoy my husbands air, his deep sleep that will allow him to awake in the morning to start another day. To touch his hands. Thses hands,  I wonder if he knows how much his hands mean to all of us, to the kids they are big hugs, and high fives, the girls they are the hands that told them high and tall at the dance, to Hunter they are daddy's hands, and he loves to hold them, to me, my warmth, my security, my love............I love my husband and my family allthough I bitch alot about them I wouldn't trad them in for anthing, well maybe Grandama but thats another story. I love my disfunctional family   jjajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaahaha

Now watch Steve is going to get home, and I was in a great mood and now I'm severly pissed and he will be the one that I take it out on, why? WHy do I do that? Its not his fault she's and assbag!

My Home

We had such a good day.............until we came home!!!! I am so sick an tired of Barbra acting like she's the queen bee around here and we should bow down to her ever whim.... Steve has duty this weekend so its just me and the kids, well we woke up early and drove out to Reading for the Pet Expo - it was so cool!!!! Tons of different cats, and dogs, lizards, and a real tiger! I saw a hairless cat, hahahahahahahaha the kids were kinda creeped out but it was still really neat. We took sandwiches and food in the cooler with us and had a picnic in the car in the parking lot, we watched a movie and we headed home. We left at 9 and we are back here at 4, not a bad day with six kids (girls had a friend spend the night) They were all pretty good, nothing crazy and only lost a few a couple times. No biggie :P   But now its 4:14 and Hunter came running in with some keys, the kids were helping bring everything in and all the keys fell when we came in, I though we picked them all up but we were trying to get the door shut before Hunter escaped, well I heard an alarm going off, car alarm, I looked at Hunter and he was smiling pushing the buttons, so I took them and then turned it off, and then walked out side and locked the car up again. It was Barbra's car of coarse and it was no big deal. So I sat down and started watching tv not thinking anything of it. Well then she comes flying downstairs yelling at Chase and asking him why he has taken her keys are he is like, I didn't do anything but that didn't stop her from yelling and freaking out. So I got up and said hey there's no need for you to come down here yelling, the keys fell off and Hunter pushed them, not a big deal, she started pointing her finger at me and yelling yeah right, I don't want you messing with my stuff, I told her that if she wanted to continue to yell she can go to her room, she kept yelling at me and walking up, told me I was doing it on purpose, and that I made it go off twice, thats no accident and this is her house too, Don't I understand that. I again, smiled and said ok Barbra if you don't want to listen just go in your room, shut the door and freak out in there. And so she did, now I am writing this and she just came an sat in the living room on the couch and is staring at me! what the hell am I suppose to do with that? She's being an ass on purpose! I don't appreciate her talking to me or to my son that way, she has no right to yell at him, accuse me of messin with her stuff and then to remind me that she lives her, as if I don't Pray about that shit everyday.!!! If she doesn't go upstairs soon we are going to argue more, cause she still hasn't apoligized for telling me I'm a bad mom!

Mia and Chase

Chase is doing fine, Mia has an allergic reaction to the chicken pox shot. The doc said " Good thing you don't have to do that again" Yeah, within 8 hours her arm was half its size and she wasn't in pain, so now we have Angela on Amoxacillian for strep throat and Mia on it for an allergic reaction.

Mia and Chase This time

Mia got her chicken pox vaccine 3 days ago and her arm is still swollen, and her whole upper arm is red and swollen. Her little arm looks like my big fat one! There's one small circle around the injection site, then another bigger circle, then another bigger circle, and the red area has a fever! Its weird, never seen anything like it. Going to take her in to the doc this morning, and Chase already has an appointment, so both of them are going to stay home today and see the doc. Its always one of them but it seems lately that two of them are always sick :(  We will see what the docs say..........

Great Group

I had my Ladies Group the other night and I had such a wonderful time! It was nice to be able to openly speak about things that anywhere else I would feel judged or not even say anything at all. I felt like not only was it ok to talk, but they wanted to hear what I had to say, they were concerned, and when I shared I wasn't looked at and told not to feel that way or that I am being redicoulous, and I don't mean verbally I mean that comment you get with an expression. You know what I'm talking about, the one that as soon as you see it your heart starts pounding, and you know you aren't holding up your end of the deal. Everyone's had that look from someone, and it really sucks! Well I didn't feel that way at all, I felt acceptance. And then at the end, we were all prayed for and told how much God loves us, its nice to know that your loved, and its nice to hear it from others. So it was a great group, wonderful bunch of ladies, and strong - WOW - I can only hope that I am able to be as strong as some of them in my life. What can I say, Group and God - yup, it was a good night :)

Getting Old!

My left foot has been hurting for the last month or so, I've just ignored it, and I didn't injure it so I didn't want to go in. Well after a fun time over the weekend my foot was really bothering me this morning so I finally went in and what do you know, I have some old lady problem.  Plantar Fasciitis is what they call it. It happens when you are on your feet all day and you have flat feet, the Doc says as you get older parts of your body get inflamed, like arthritis. It never goes away, you can get shots for the pain, and sometimes surgery, sometimes a foot doc will make you a linning to use in your shoes, but it never goes away. She smiled and said, it sucks getting old - sorry, take some asprin and let me know how it feels in a few weeks. Yup, gettin up there now :(

PA Funeral

Ok, so here in PA they take St. Patty's day very seriously. In a good way. Some friends took me and Steve out over the weekend to an Irish Wake at Bally's Hotel. It was a bar, and a huge tent out back, green beer was flowing, the band was there, it was great. We had so much fun, they have a guy get in a coffin and and the guys with bagpipes and kilts are going, they push this guy around and then girls go up and tell him jokes ( a man dressed as a girl, went up :) ) they are suppose to wake him up, he gets up and the drinking begins, I don't get the whole thing, the guy in the coffin was kinda creepy, but it was alot of fun after that. And the best jello shots !!! So my first funeral in PA - or wake, whatever they call it - was alot of fun. They really get into Patty's day and it was a Blast!!!

I know I haven't been myself lately, I know that this is not who I am, I know that there are things going on that I need to sort through and that with time it will be ok, now its been suggested on more than one occasion that I go see someone to help me sort these things out. I'm not ok with that though, but after more than one suggestion I agreed. Now lately I have been thinking alot about death, not in the way that everyone gets worried about. In the way that I know I'm not myslef lately but lets say that I pass away before I get back to where I was, what will God say to me? What will my kids think? Will they understand, will my husband have peace. What can I do to make sure that if that happens that they know I love them and they understand where I am at right now. So I told this to my agreed upon help and she informed me that I shouldn't think about that. That I shouldn't bother myself with such guilt, that that guilt is just making it harder for me to get back to me. So for the last two days that is what I have been trying, then I went to church this morning. The sermon was on outreach, and how you need to love now because tomorrow might never come. That if you passed today what would you say to the Lord, what would he think of you, and would you go to him pure in heart, would your family have good things to say about you after you were gone. That kind of think.
 So now what? Confused is what - so many things to be confused about.

Angela Basketball Games

Here are some pics of Angela's basket ball games, we are on the photos this year but I will try. As soon as school is over I will be much better. To see Angela pics Click Here

Super Bowl Sunday Pics

I know I haven't gotten any pics in a long time so here is just a few I have about 10 minutes till everyone gets home from Laser Tag and wants to eat so this was suppose to go up on Super Bowl Sunday. This was right before Hunter burnt himself. Click Here To see the few photos we took that day. We were too busy eating and then tending to Hunt man.

Cake Pictures

Click Here To See Will's Birthday Cake 
I am not sure if it will work but here it goes. Tell me what you think and if you can even get to it.

Happy Birthday Will

Will is eleven! Can you believe it - it is all down hill from here :) We took him out for dinner on his actual birthday on Tuesday but today him, his friend Brett, Chase and Dad went and played Laser tag, he wanted to go paintballing for his birthday but I think he is still a little too young, so Laser Tag was what we agreed on. Me and the girls just made him home made cakes, which I haven't done in years so they are cute but kinda weird looking. He said he wanted brownies a cake, pizza, Brett, and TV for the events after the laser tag. So thats what he will get. The Pre Teen stages have begun!!!! I can believe my little guy is eleven, I remember when he used to call me Mamma, and tell me he lobed me wit allllll my heart..........promise Mamma. My baby isn't so baby anymore. Happy Birthday Little Man, Mamma Loves You!

In the Club

Went to the PTO meeting. Its like going to a military meeting as a civilian. All these codes, and everyone knows everyone, everyone knows whats going on and there's the one person that takes joy in the fact that you don't know whats going on. (as you put her number on the top of your list) but gives you all the information with a fake face. Anyways it was good, I got a few vowels, and a few notes - I'm good to go. :P

P t o pto here i come to diporganize the day yea!

Trainer

Ok, so last week I worked with my trainer for the first time, man I couldn't move my arms without my toes hurting! I was so sore, but it got better, today we did legs, and damn did that hurt too but not so much now. Its been a few hours but she told me I would feel it in the morning :( Its a good burn I know it! I just keep telling myself that and we will be fine.