Happy new year !!!

She i s here she i s out of the hospital and happy to be home

Hospital

Came home from the hospital today. They had to tie Barbra down, she won't stay in bed. I have had 4 or so glass's of wine so this may not make sense. When we were there today her eye and hand twitched. this makes night number 2, she still doesn't seem back to herself, its hard to explain, but she just isn't the same. More agrressive, she told the nurses she was going to throw them out the window and cursed them. She was trying to bite her way out of the restraints. She itches all over, she reminds me of the hard patient I had that would try and hit me if you didn't do exactly what she wanted you to. That old bat, but I got attached to her very quickly, it was just routine she liked routine, Barbra just wants to come home, she was yelling for steve or me and asking us to help her get out, they are trying to kill me she kept saying. I smile and tell her it will be fine but I cry inside. I need to sleep but everytime I lay down I am right bacck up it seems like no time at all and now I have to wake up.Maybe the wine and an ambien will help. Merry Christmas.............

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Mia

We made ornaments, and painted clear ornaments, and wooden ones. We made christmas cards and valentines day cards. Mia had a Purse pinata, it was alot of fun. Steve picked out a beautiful cake with roses all over. We had dogs and burgers, and the first big storm of the year. Theres about 8-10 inches on the ground now, through the whole party it snowed and it was beautiful! The girls turned on music and danced, and laughed and oh did they eat!!! :) I can't believe Mia is Nine years old tomorrow morning at 8:00 am. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I love her cry, the first time I heard her I was so happy, and now when I hear her cry I am so sad. But one thing has not changed, she is just as beautiful today as she was that day nine years ago... My baby is getting so big....my little princess isn't so little anymore.

Mia Birthday Party

Today was Mia's birthday party. We had Steve's family over, Mia's friends and it was nice. It was very different but it was nice. Mia enjoyed herself but she misses her old friends. I missed having them there too. I already know them, you know, Kristen, Madalin, I know what to expect from them, I know how to handle them, the boys still haven't had anyone spend the night and they really have no interest in having anyone over. I tried talking to them about it but they just say they want their old friends not new ones. Chase wishes that he had Cameron living around the corner, and Will he just says its not the same, I don't know anyone's name. I don't think he is even trying to make friends. It was a birthday with new faces, not a single old except us. I tried talking to Steve's family but you know how hard that is. its just different, my friends weren't there, my family wasn't there. Even though me and my Mom don't get along I always know that even if its for 20 minutes she is always at the kids birthdays. And even though I bitch evertime about her, I know miss her and the comfort of knowing she will be there. I just kept to myself today. Just kinda smiled and that was it. I have everything I want know, why can't I just be happy with it?

Ivy

Ivy, so even though I know she is a phone call away and I know that if something drastic were to happen either she would fly here or I would fly there but not being in the same town, or at least within driving distance is really much harder than I thought it would be. I don't want to call and talk to her on the phone because its a constant reminder of how far away she is. Now don't get me wrong, Ivy and I have wanted to tare eachothers eyees out over the years. But she is the first Woman that I have trusted in a very long time. She is probably the one person that I tell the most things to because I know that she wont judge me. The fact that she is a Morman and I an Christian makes our relationship that much sweeter. When it came to religion the first few years we never talked about it. Then slowly it came up, then it was something that was out in the open and I wasn't afraid to talk in front of her. Even when I was mad at her, and her at me. It may have taken awhile and she may be different in her own way, but so is everyone else. I know I am. I know I defiently am. Her Husband is the only guy I have felt comfortable hugging besides my brothers and my husband. It took along time for him to talk, but when I would go over to her house and he would talk to me and really talk to me you know, not the regular hi how are you, but really talk to me about crap that was going on in his life, my life and his wife's, it was just a confirmation that I was really a part of her life and a part of her family. It was confirmation that he wasn't tolerating me like I feel like most people do but he enjoyed me being around. That meant and means so much to me I don't know how to explain it. He hugs good, and his hugs are pure and with his heart out, and to see him and her together makes you believe that no matter what religion you are God does exist. Because God is the only one that could make such a wonderful union with two beautiful people that I miss dearly. I miss sitting at the dinner table, it didn't matter who came by to say to them, what relative, what friend, what church member, I was welcome, not made to feel like I had to hide in the back like my family does to me, but out in the open shes' glad I'm there. I miss Thelma coming up and sitting down and talking to me, and really taking an interest in me and telling me all the time how happy she is for me and how much she loves me and how great my children are and what a wonderful husband I have. I miss my nephews walking through smiling at me, the hug from Asher and his face looking up at you that only he can do. He's my son's best friend, thousands and thousands of miles away and the only friend that he cried over was Asher and Mason. I pray that they can keep that friendship close to their hearts. I miss being at the table when dinner was being made, all the kids, the smells, the laughter, the intimate yet casual talks with my best friend that I could love a hug from right now. I miss those moments, I will hold them in my heart for the rest of my life and I can only feel blessed to have had them and pray that there will be more. I miss my Jolly.

Criminal Procedure

Ok, just took my final!!!! I won't find out what my grade is till next week I think, and I take my final for Community Policing tomorrow! That one is timed, I hate timed tests expecially finals. I know the answer I just can't get it on paper right away or on the computer so to speak. So I think I told you guys already that Will is wrestling, well he came home with his first information on a tournament. Its in 13 days he informed me as he walked through the door tonight. 13 days until I get to battle :) hahahah battle, I smiled and told him its called wrestle, but either way he is excited, he got his head gear tonight and his singlet, man I forgot how damn small those things were. I have to ask Steve about a cup or what are they suppose to use for their boys, I mean all I had to worry about was my girls and I had tons of sport braws already that it was never an issue.They have a tournament coming up in a few weeks that you have to pay top dollar to get into it or you can donate time and keep score. Its been so long but just the thought of keeping score and being on the mat or around it gave me a warm fuzzy inside :) I was showing Will some moves the other night, he went to show Chase and hurt him, he isn't built like Will, and so I had to have a talk with Will, that he can practice with me and Dad and thats it. No practicing with the kids. It makes me smile deep inside that he can handle himself though you know. I know that if God forbid I was on the streets again that I could and would take care of myself. Seeing him wrestle gives me a sense of security with him. Its sounds so weird but not that I don't worry about him but that maybe he is like me a little bit. Maybe that flare and defience is me and not his real father. Maybe his heart and will and drive is an atribute that I passed to him. That maybe I wasn't such a bad kid after all, and not a bad person now, that I have raised my oldest child so far pretty good. Thats just a glimpse into the little bit of my inners that I will talk about. Enough about this mushhy crapp! Jolly will think I'm fru fru girlly now, so just to set the record straight I'm not! :P

.........

Long long day....well Barbra and Steve went to the Dr for her in Philly and she got a good bill of health. Doc said she was healing fine and it all looks good from here on out. Steve is so thankful, so glad you can tell when he talks about it, its like he can finally breath. The school had a movie night and Steve my awesome husband let me and the girls go alone. Yaaaayyyyyyy They had fun, and it was a good movie. Polar Express, that movie always makes me smile. Tomorrow he will be leaving at the but crack of dawn and don't know if he will be back tomorrow night or Sunday night. So I am going to snuggle with my husband before he has to leave.

Update

ok, so I have not been keeping this up because I have been having a rough couple of weeks. I'm getting panick attacks and all other kind of crap that you don't want to hear about and don't need too. But Here's a recap on the past few weeks. Steve has his first weekend this weekend in the reserves so he's really freaking out about it. William woke up with half his face swollen and a knot under his ear, we are waiting for the test results on that one, Hunter nearly cut his finger off with a razor, but its healing nicely. Angela is having meltdown after meltdown with the damn crying. Chase got an in school suspension for elbowing 3 kids because he insisted that he was not out at the game. It started snowing. Hunter wont sleep in his bed, he is all of a sudden scared of his room. Mia will not stop sliding down the banister on her cast, I keep telling her she is going to brake her foot off but she doesn't listen. Steve's mom Barbra has a doctors appointment in Philly tomorrow to see how her head is healing, I have to go to the food bank for her tomorrow because she wont accept food from us and she needs it, so I have to go with a note from her since she will be at the doctors office with Steve. I volunteered at the school for the book fair and they are all skinny rich women, I'm almost 30 now and I am getting a streak of gray hair in the front that I'm not dealing well with. I have a final tomorrow and one next week, then I start another class on Wednesday, I don't get to watch any TV cause I'm so feakin busy now, I have been going to work out for an hour everyday for 3 weeks now and I haven't lost a pound and Steve wants US to give up chocolate. (I think he has a death wish) We went to a Lutheran Church to try it out and Steve loved it and I found myself so uncomfortable I didn't even talk, which you know me, its gotta be pretty bad if I am not talking. We tried a church kind of like NewLife and it was hollow, so we are going to go back to the Lutheran one and give it one more shot, everyone is so freakin happy and smiling there. Its not that freakin good at 9 am on a Sunday! So consider yourself updated!

There i s a coach outlet here and it i s huge!

Wii IIIIIssssssssss Bad!!!

Ok, so I know its not funny but it really kinda is. My Pops came out for thanksgiving and since he will be a Bessie's for X-mas, so he got the family a Wii for Christmas. So we had it all but maybe 45 minutes when Mia and Angela decided to bowl. well Mia was playing about 5 minutes and decided to try and do trurling while bowling. Right on her ankle, had to rush her to the hospital she was having an asthma attack, then throwing up it was a mess, When she did it I picked her up and put her on the recliner. It was kinda funny when she fell and welll hell, ok I was laughing my Ass off!!!!! I put her on the recliner and inbetween blood curling scream and dry heaves she yelled, tttthhhhhhhheeeeeeeee the Wii is BBBAAAADDDDD!!!! Me and Will just looked at eachother and busted out laughing. She got really upset so we quickly apoligized and held back our smiles, she was really hurt though. We rushed her to the hospital. Angela and Will were great, they got Hunter put him into the car, got his bag packed, and they were in the car, offering as much help as they could. When I pulled up before I put the car in park Angela already had the back door open and helping Mia out, William had Hunter out of the seat and carrying him in, I ran over to the other side of the car and picked Mia up. Got a wheel chair, I looked down, and relized Will forgot to put shoes on :) It was so funny. So four days later, and she has a nice big cast that will stay there for about two months. So beware of the Wii....bowling that is :)