Funeral

The funeral was - what do you say nice? Grandma died so was it nice? Pretty? I don't know but lots of people are and all of them had wonderful things to say about the woman I called Grandma. She touched so many people. People I had never even heard of came and told their wonderful stories of how she affected them. One lady talked about when she was a child she lived next door and Grandma used to give her cookies and milk when she was locked out of the house, that she once told her what was her favorite cookie and Grandma had it for her the next time and the next..............She was such a good person. She was so special to so many people I'm lucky she was my Grandma. I feel blessed to have had her for a Grandmother. I can only pray that that many people are at my funeral. She is my hero and I didn't know it till she was gone. I love and miss her so much.

Getting Ready

Today we are packing, doing all the laundry gettin the car ready. Trying to get the kids to finish all their homework. The school was really good with them leaving, I asked if there was anyway they could get their homework, and they did and ready in the office. No waiting it was great.
Going to Chicago for the first time with anxiety, fear, and sorrow. I have always loved going to see Grandma, this trip I will remember for the rest of my life.

Sadness

 I can't believe she's gone. She was the glue to the family. Without her I don't know whats going to happen.  I've had the same dream all night over and over again. I'm at her funeral and I walk up to the casket and I can see her arms, her body but when I go to look at her face I can't. I can't look up and see her face then I'm back at Grandmas house coming down to go to school and she's sitting at the table drinking her coffee just like she was all the time. It didn't matter what time of the morning you got up Grandma was always there. Steve says its my way of dealing with it and once I have come to terms with her death I will have peace. But what if I don't want to come to terms............does it happen over time? Is this something you decide? How long to you mourn the dead.

Grandma Shultz

Grandma Shultz passed away in her bed Monday afternoon. I spoke with her last on Saturday. She was hard to understand but she knew who I was and told me she loved me and missed me. I will cherish that last phone call for the rest of my life. Her funeral will be on saturday, she is being cremated. A celebration of her life is being held at her house from 3-6 that day. Even though we all knew it was coming and hospice kept telling us it would be anytime soon I still can't believe she's gone. When I read the text from my Aunt.
"Mama just passed", those words hit you like a ton of bricks, you can't breathe - your eyes swell up instantly with tears and you let out a cry that can't be controlled even if you were to try with every ounce of your being. Then it hits your head - she will never wrap her arms around you again. You will never hear her call you Peanut anymore. The one nickname that stuck through out your life and she was the only one that was allowed to call you that. The fear of picking up the phone to call her and tell her how frieghtened you really are knowing no one is there to answer. All of this happens in the first few seconds you read those words "Mama just passed"

Today Hunter had his 1st field trip. We went to the fire station. He got to man the hose. He loved it!