Been awhile..................

ok, so since I last wrote alot has happened - like always..............so I don't have a hernia,Grandma is doing great, she is home now, Aunt Vicki is having tests done not so good. I had Chase's Gifted IEP and he is going to start skipping grades in Math and possibly the other subjects depending on how he does, I finally got paid from Unemployment, William has a lump under his arm that they have ultra sounded and still dont know what it is. Steve is volunteering on Tues and Thursday's so he's not home till late. Hunter has go a new hobby, its called slam his head against anything hard when he is upset at anything. We got a kitten the other day. Her name is Kazza but we want a new name. Any ideas? Its cute. Hunter really likes her especially her head, he likes to carry her by it, and poor thing she just lays there and waits for me to rescue her. She's pretty cool. I'm working out everyday and still am not losing weight, losing inches I guess but the numbers need to move. My pants fit better, Tuesday I started pilates and today I did yoga. So that will be my new schedule, for thse days and I still do my hour of cardio. Will has a tournament tomorrow, Chase basketball, Mia acting class, and Angela basketball, me and Hunter? well were just along for the ride. Sunday Will has the tournament for district, if he places at that one then he is in districts. I hope he will but I don't think he will, I want him to get the experience. He's 7-4 now and he is loving it.  Watching dirty jobs with the boys gotta go :}

Grandma Shultz

Pray for Grandma Shultz, she had a stroke earlier this morning. Waiting on news. Please Lord, don't call her name, Please Lord help her. Please Lord let her come home to us and give us more time with her. Please Lord don't call her name.

Busy Saturday Day

Got back from a long long day. Will had a wrestling tournament that started at 8 this morning, we stayed there all day then straight to Chase's Birthday party, he's 11 - can you believe it???? he is so big. Then home and finally able to sit down and relax, of coarse I'm waiting to hear Hunter wake up any minute and want to snuggle just as I'm ready to sleep. The party went great! Chase had a blast and Hunter bowled for the first time. We let Mia Bowl also with the condition that she was not allowed to break any legs, so far so good. And guess what!!! My boy Will got 3rd place at the Daniel boone Wrestling Tournament!!!!!!! oh Yaaaayyyyyyyyyy so proud of him, its the 3rd tournament he's been in and he got 3rd, he is so excited, he is walking around with his trophy all night :)

will took third place at the wrestling tournament!

Last night chase was being very rude and disrespectful to Steve, so Steve disceplined him. Well Barbra was in the living room and she got up and started stomping over and saying that he needed to stop so I stood in front of her and told her that she needed to go to the other room. and of course she got loud and said that she is going to call the law on us and that its over something stupid and I told her that she needed to mind her business and let steve discipline his son. Then Steve came in and told her to keep her opinions to herself or go to her room, so she walked up stairs and kept running her mouth the entire time. She didn't come back out of her room. This morning Steve got off of work early and it was just the three of us at the house so I asked if we were going to discuss what happened last night because I was not comfortable with the situation. Steve said fine then talk about it, I looked at Barbra not really knowing how to start and sh yelled well you guys can talk about it then I dont' have anything to do with it. I told her that she did and that I didn't agree with what was being said last night and she went on to say how she is going to tell everyone outside the home what goes on and that they are her blood relatives and I get Steve going and that its over stupid stuff and that I hit angela on the head with the brush but not Mia, I told her I do it to both of them and that she doesn't even know what goes on half the time and she kept telling me how two of them are her grandbabies and that she is blood to them. I told her I didn't care and that they are all mine.She said that the kids go to school crying all the time and its my fault that thats why she doesn't come down in the morning, I told her the only time the kids cryed was when she came down and since she hasn't come down we haven't had any problems that she was the cause of the problems cause she is always on them and always on me, that I am hearing her say that I'm a bad mom, and she said oh your trying to turn me and Steve against each other, I said where is that coming from what did I do that has displayed that in anyway - she goes well you want to, I said well I'mm glad you know what I want and what I feel because apparently you know and I don't, then she said that last night I came after - I told her oh no If I ever come after you - you will know it, all I did was stand in your way, that I wasn't going to let her yell at Steve while he was disciplining his son. Then Steve yellled at me to be quiet and he started yelling at his mom, telling her she has no right to get in between him and his son and that the kids need to be disciplined and she needs to keep her opinion to herself.She said that I made him mad over something stupid an then he got on Chase, the disciplining had nothing to do with me! It was the way he was talking to his father not me! This went on and on and on, she said the same thing and that she  was goin to tell everybody else and that she is going to call or someone else will, and that the kids tell her how I make them stay outside in the cold for hours, and I do this and I do that. I walked out, grabbed Hunter and went upstairs, I got dressed and  got him dressed and left. As I drove around and cried I relized that I have no where to go. I have no friends to go to and calm me down I don't even know how to be tto a damn park cause I took the car and the GPS is in the SUV. I went 10 miles in freakin circles, the only damn roads I know. I pulled into a parking lot and stayed there for awhile, I feel like I'm always being told that I'm doing wrong when it comes to Steve's kids, by him, and now by his mother. I love my husband and I love my kids I really do and I will miss the hell out of them if I were to leave but I don't want to be here. I don't want to get in the way of Steve and his mom - I know how it feels to not really have a mom but she's there but she's not really there. I thought with his mom being here then maybe I might have a real mom, you know one that cares about you no matter what her latest boyfriend says or what weird mood she's in, one that willl love you and show you that she loves you, not be all fake to your face and then to the rest of the family tell how bad and horrible you are. But I guess that was a foolish wish, I shouldhave known better, I do know better, I knew better when my mom said she was going to be a real mother and I knew better when I though Barbra would think I was a good person, and might possibly look at me as a daughter. I knowbetter, I did this to myslef I did. And now I have to deal with it. I have been thinking about moving with my Pops, I mean he's always shown me he would be there for me no matter what. He may not always agree with my decisions or how I live my life but he has always respectfully told me how he felt and still shown his love for me as me, not as what I can do for him but as me. The only thing is I love my husband, I don't want ot leave him but I don't know what to do. I can't have everything the way I want it, I don't want to live this way. I should have put up more of a fight when Steve told me he wanted to move, I left everything, and now I live in a house with a loving husband, two kids that I thought I was being a good mother too but I guess I got that wrong, his mother who doesnt approve of me in anyway and is going to tell everyone about how mean I am and then theres my kids. I am in my bathroom crying and writing this because I don't know what else to do. Steve left with his mom to go get her mail, they were leaving as I pulled up. He gave me a hug and asked if I was ok, I just walked into the house, I don't get it how can he just go somewhere with her, maybe I'm being to sensitive. Hunter has been sick and I haven't slept much, its probably just me. I need to just suck it up and get my chores done, I'm whining now andd I shouldn't be. I have a great husband and kids and a house and I don't haveto work and yet I find faults, I'm such a negative person. I need to just stop, I need to relax and be thankful for what I have, and next time I need to GO after his mom like I freakin wanted to and that will shut her ass up. I am fine, I just need to be more understanding and less sensitive. I can do this, I can, just bite your tongue, you made your bed and now you lie in it.

He won he won !!! 9-4

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Injuries are making for long matches

Will wrestles in about twenty minutes he will wrestle twice at this tournament

Chase's Birthday!!!!

Today is Chase's birthday!!! He's  11, can you believe that! Eleven!!! WOW, he is so big now. And he is crazy tall!!!! So tonight we are going out to a Red Robin, thats what he asked for. Then next weekend he will have a party at the bowling alley, and a sleepover. I took him balloons and cupcakes at school today. He was so exciyed!!!!!!! All he could do was smile :)

TODAY IS THE DAY - YES?

Ok, today is the start of a new life. Yesterday we visited a church called Daybreak Community Church. I think it will be our new home :) Today, Hunter and I had our very first Mommy and Me Swimming class!!!! So excited, he is so cute (even if I say so myself ) it was so much fun, Steve was at his first day of work, his mom was at home feeling good but just hanging out, the kids were all back at school. And I took Tiffany's advice about an I App and got a I touch, I downloaded the calorie counter, did my work out, burned some mega calories and even ate good. I came home to Barbra, which was kind of a downer cause I really wanted to come home to Tiffany and a walk with good conversation but Barbra will do for now. Things are going to get back to calm and as normal as it can get with a 5 children blended household with a grandma living with us :P I hope to find my way back to the Lord, I have felt so far from him since this all started back in WA. Being at church on Sunday, we've gone to so many and I didn't feel God at all. But there I left with an extra step in my walk, kinda grinning and that says alot for me since smiling is not something that has been coming easy lately. This morning I woke up thinking about going back to church on Sunday and thought, why can't today be the start, why can't today I try to talk to God, why can't today be the Day? So here it is, lets hope I keep my momentum. So - thanks to Tiffany, Ivy, and Natika - in small ways each and every one of you seeded my faith and my love for not only you but my family. I know that we don't get to talk on the phone alot but I prayed this morning that I won't ever lose my friendship with you. I miss you guys. And have a great night, talk to you tomorrow :)

Wrestling

Will had his first tournament today, well a few days ago he had his takedown tournament, he lost every match but almost pinned all of them. He's not great on his feet yet but he is good on the mat. He took that lose pretty hard, then today it was just be and him there. We followed all the matches that were before him, I taught him how to make the brackets and how to watch the wrestlers, find their weakness's and use it. We talked all morning, and watched and watched, he was so excited, had it all in his head, knew what he was going to do. He was so excited, and ready. First period - no points, no control, no takedown, he wrestled hard, Second period - Opposing wrestler cross faced him illegally and choked him, Ref called it, warning given, Cross faced illegally again, point given, Will is on bottom, once again cross faced illegally, times up, periods over, Will grabs his neck he can't breath - kid shows his arm to ref. Will is disqualified from tournament. Hours waiting for those 3 minutes, gone just like that. The Ref came over and talked to the coach and said he was required to disqualify him because there were teeth marks on the kids arm, but he was there and saw the whole thing, it was unintentional and not done by Will at all but by the kid illegally crossfacing him. He apoligized to Will and us, told Will he did a really good job. Will held his head high grabbed his stuff and we left. He was fine until he got in the car, he just broke down and cried, that guy cheated, that guy was doing illegal moves and I got disqualified its not fair. I agree with him. I can't do anything about it. We talked about how to get out of the possibility of being cross faced and talked about how he needs to shoot more. Lesson learned I guess. On the way out he told me he wants to go to camp and train with a REAL wrestler, so he can get better and come back and "battle" that kid again.

Happy New Year

Well we have had an interesting 2009 and it kept its high ride up until the end. Last night we played yahtzee and the Wii and we had snacks and mixed drinks, and we had a great time. The kids stayed up late but only by about an hour from their regular time, they went to bed then me and Steve and Barbra went to bed, Me and steve watched the ball drop from the comfort of our bed in eachothers arms. Having such a calming kiss made me excited to see what the new year will bring. I took a deep breath and went to sleep, I love my husband, I love my mother in-law, I love my kids, and even though its hard I love my life. I hope and pray I can keep my witts.